Aruba vrs Hitler
Monday, October 26, 2009 - Annie Duke
So I have officially processed my untimely demise in the Aruba Classic. Let me give you a little back story though. In the 7 years that I have played that event, I have made the money ONCE. That is right. One time. Now there is a really good reason for that. I generally go down to Aruba with my kids and the thought of staying inside playing poker for the whole trip when my kids are having a blast horseback riding and tubing and whatnot without me doesn’t really work for me. So I play some pretty bad poker when I am in Aruba generally because I am secretly, well not so secretly, trying to get myself knocked out of the event.
But not this year. This year I resolved that I was actually going to try really hard. Last year I had to leave before the event even started because Celebrity Apprentice conflicted with the main event down there. So I headed down to Aruba for exactly three days and then left in a shroud of mystery. I had signed a confidentiality agreement so I couldn’t tell anyone why I was leaving which made for some pretty interesting rumors. I did have to assure a few people that nothing was wrong with my family and there was no emergency while still being coy about why I left. Anyway, we all know how Celebrity Apprentice turned out. I am still trying to decide if it was worth it to leave paradise abruptly for 5 weeks of being called worse than Hitler by Joan Rivers.
Anyway, after having to leave last year I realized that I really missed the opportunity to play and so this year came in with great resolve to play my heart out. I showed up relatively on time and proceeded to get dealt the best cards of my life. In the first two levels I got AA 7 times, KK twice and QQ twice. I am not kidding. I really got dealt those starting hands. So of course I ended the two levels with 4K of the 15K starting chips. As expected really. I was either going to have all the chips on the planet or 4K. When I came back for level three I managed to flop top two with AJ suited vs 99 on an AJ9 board. Oops. That sent me to the rail.
So I managed to hit the parlay: I wasted another year of the Aruba Classic getting knocked out on Day 1 when I was actually really trying (proof of the trying part: I managed to still have 4K in chips after getting all those hands cracked) and I wasted the best run of cards I will ever have. Sheesh.
Now, once I got knocked out I decided to make the best of it and took the opportunity to go tubing with Joe. We got on one of those two man tubes and were having a complete blast because we had a driver who was really trying to create huge wakes to buck us off the tube. Anyone who has gotten thrown off a tube knows that it usually the best part of tubing. Joe and I were really hanging on, though, so the driver was creating bigger and bigger wakes to drag us over until finally he made a wake so big that there was no holding on the tube to stay on because the tube itself was flipping over.
So Joe is on my right and the tube is flipping right so Joe kind of turned over and was heading face down into the ocean below me as I was flipping over him when his heel snapped up on the way into the water and caught me right in the neck. That snapped my head back pretty bad and smashed my lower jaw into my upper jaw in a way that really sent shockwaves up the left side of my face. That was aside from the pain I was experiencing from having just been kicked really hard in the neck. So now I land in the ocean and I am just sobbing in there and Joe isn’t sure right away whether or not I am laughing or crying so he is laughing at first. Then he realizes I am actually in hysterics and helps drag me back onto the tube so the driver can take us in really slowly back to the dock. I say really slowly because every bit of turbulence we hit sent waves of pain through my skull. By that night the inside of my throat had really swelled up which took about two days to go down before it was comfortable to swallow again.
So I got kicked in the head by the cards in the tournament then kicked in the head by Joe in a freak tubing accident. Come to think of it, getting called worse than Hitler for 5 weeks doesn’t sound so bad after all.
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Tags: aruba classic, Celebrity Apprentice, Joan Rivers, Poker Poker Poker
