Oh the Humanity!!
Friday, July 3, 2009 - Gene Bromberg
The opening day of the 2009 World Series of Poker’s Main Event was slightly marred today when Commissioner Jeffrey Pollack was savagely mauled by an enraged Sasquatch. Most of the alleged sightings of that legendary monster happened in the Pacific Northwest, but it turns out Sasquatch was living in the corridors of a Vegas casino. Who woulda thunk it? Anyway, here’s some shots of the horrific assault:
That’s when the dread beast dragged Pollack out the side doors and into the bowels of the Rio. Authorities still have no info on Pollack’s whereabouts or condition, as the only clues they’ve been able to recover so far are Pollack’s glasses and a single cufflink.
OK, I’m gonna shock you all by confessing that none of this is true–the Commish is fine, and Sasquatch is the mascot of Jack’s Links jerky and would NEVER hurt Mr. Pollack. In fact, Sasquatch made the official “Shuffle Up and Deal” call to kick off the Main Event…though it came out more like SHUUUURRRFFFF UNNNNGGG DRRRREEAAHHHH!! But everyone seemed to get the point.
Tags: 2009 world series of poker, 2009 wsop, sasquatch, sasquatch jeffrey pollack, sasquatch poker, sasquatch world series of poker, sasquatch wsop, world series of poker, WSOP
